Elias Redstone reports on Spandex Hero

Elias Redstone

Editor's Note: This story is a follow up to Willow Smith to Star in Zhang Bang Chang's 'Spandex Hero' and Spandex Hero remake announced

Elias Redstone reports on the production of Zhang Bang Chang’s film, Spandex Hero: The life Story of Amy Jo Johnson.

Easter Island

My flight arrived at 5am at the Mataveri airport on Easter Island. Within a half hour of checking in I was taken to a Spandex Hero shooting location. I was told to stay in the production trailer until my escort arrived. After almost an hour the trailer door opened and to my surprise in walked the film’s director, Zhang Bang Chang and an interpreter named Kano. Through Kano I was able to find out a few new and interesting facts.

Elias Redstone: Why has production of Spandex Hero been delayed?

Zhang Bang Chang: Legal crap with Len Wiseman! They think they steal my film! I read interviews with that prick, he say he finish film first, he only finish my gonads first. We shoot film now, we finish great story better and faster, he only fast to lick my private part sweaty.

Elias Redstone: Why did you sign a deal with Wiseman giving him rights for a re-make?

Amy Jo Johnson

Zhang Bang Chang: I sign no deal! Wiseman have lawyer make deal with our producer. Lawyer make many promise, they say remake come later but now they like to screw us, so we make many change and screw them much better.

Elias Redstone: What kind of changes have you made?

Zhang Bang Chang: Ah we not tell you everything! But we say we make change to get schedule better! Big change! I can tell you is we not use Willow Smith now. We hire new actresses for roles. Very good for film!

Elias Redstone: New actresses? Does that mean Emma Watson has also been replaced?

Chinese solider

Zhang Bang Chang: Watson still negotiate. She want many thing in contract but we no need for film now because of reschedule. Spandex Hero be five film now, Watson only be in part four and five if she sign.

Elias Redstone: Will Amy Jo Johnson be in any of the five films?

Zhang Bang Chang: You very stupid. Stupid man! We must go to set now. You stay here, we come back when ready for more stupid.

Chang and Kano left the trailer. After several hours of waiting I thought about leaving the trailer but then I noticed an armed Chinese solider was left outside the trailer door. I waited inside all day.  Hopefully they will come back in the morning.