Guinness World Record set

A Hamilton, Ont., man masturbated his way into the Guinness Book of World Records on Wednesday morning and helped raise money for erectile dysfunction research.

Neve Campbell

Clint Mantooth started masturbating at the Burlington Arts Centre on Friday at 8 a.m. and five days later broke the previous record of 12000 ejaculations by one man in five days time. “The plan was to save the 12001 ejaculation for Canadian born actress Neve Campbell but I got sidetracked while searching Google Images. I ran into a few screen captures of the former Pink Power Ranger, Amy Jo Johnson and the pictures just set me off. The next thing you know the whole crowd was cheering and I needed a towel to clean off,” said Mantooth. “I’m going to try to break my own record next year and hopefully Neve will get my 12002 ejaculation!”

The 40-year-old wanted to raise $100,000 for the Canadian Erectile Dysfunction Society in honour of his brother Tony, who is unable to maintain an erection for more than a few seconds at a time. So far he’s received $29,000 in donations.

Mantooth himself was diagnosed with erectile dysfunction while in college and, overcame the illness by refusing to participate in beer pong games hosted by his roommates.

Amy Jo Johnson screen capture.

“Thanks to internet porn and risqué celebrity photos, I survived,” he said. “A lot of sexy women worked really hard to make that possible. Without them, I would not be here today. I owe it to them. I owe it to any hot woman that has ever bent over and looked over her shoulder with a sultry ‘do me hard’ look. I owe it to anyone who has ever done anything naked, semi naked or even just dressed sexy for internet photos”.

Mantooth attempted the record last year, but only lasted for 11673 ejaculations.

Wednesday's record will be official once Guinness receives the evidence and approves Mantooth's claim.

Kimberly The Pink Ranger

Click her!

Life After Power Rangers

Life After The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (located at the Life After The MMPR tab above) is a series of cartoons that show what happened to Kimberly, Jason and the rest of the Power Ranger gang after the Mighty Morphin series ended. It seems they all all got shit jobs at a place called Goldar Industries! Watch them with the closed caption on because the voices are sort of difficult to understand. These are not safe for work! Just added episode 10!

TSA Pats Down Flashpoint Star

TSA Pat Down

TSA security officers at Rhode Island's Block Island Airport patted down Flashpoint actress Amy Jo Johnson and forcibly removed her underwear during the search, an unconfirmed airport employee reports. Could this end up being yet another TSA PR nightmare?

Unconfirmed sources claim that Amy Jo Johnson was scheduled to depart May 18 from Rhode Island on a flight to Toronto to continue work on her hit CTV television series when the incident occurred.

A traveler who was booked on the same flight as the former pink Power Ranger told OOMN that while she thinks the officers may have been "procedurally correct...the procedure needs to be changed."

A Suspiciously "Warm" inner thigh area.

Unknown Electronic Device

According to unconfirmed sources, while passing through security, TSA officials “found an unknown electronic device” in Johnson’s carry on luggage that prompted agents to give the actress a security pat down. During the routine pat down TSA agents "felt something suspicious and they couldn't determine what it was," so they took Johnson to a private room.

A TSA agent told Johnson that her inner thigh area was "suspiciously warm and stimulating to the touch” and that they absolutely needed to check that area thoroughly. The TSA agent asked Johnson to remove her undergarments and prepare for a full exam. “I’d never felt anything quite like it,” said TSA agent Mathilda June. “It was like she had some sort of biological incendiary device between her legs. It was so warm and inviting, like a Jamaican beach at noon during the summertime. You really want to stop there and sort of soak it all in,” added Agent June.

Amy Jo Johnson

Johnson was then allegedly informed that “due to safety concerns" the agents would need to keep her undergarments “for further study” but the actress remained "very calm" even though she was forced to board her flight without her underwear and unknown electronic device.

TSA Defends Search

In response to the incident, the TSA said "While every person and item must be screened before entering the secure boarding area, TSA works with passengers to resolve security alarms in a respectful and sensitive manner. We have reviewed the circumstances involving this screening and determined that our officers acted professionally and according to proper procedure."

Amy Jo Johnson Autographs

Someone asked for an Amy Jo Johnson Autograph. Here you go.

Sweetwater Wallpaper

I originally created this image for a Sweetwater DVD menu screen. I decided it would also make a nice Amy Jo Johnson wallpaper.

Amy Jo Johnson Sweetwater 1024 x 768 Wallpaper. Click it!

Mail Bag

We get some weird emails.
We thought we should share some of the most memorable ones.

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Dear Temple of Amy Jo Johnson,
You suck!!!

I'm really not sure how to respond to this one.

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you guys need to post more pix an vids an less stoopid storys cuz i aint got time to scrool by all the stoopid things so put up more pix or i aint comming to this site anymore by the way i know u aint amy jo johnston  ur fake

Yes we are not Amy Jo Johnston, you busted us good! Now as to your scrolling issue, you could click the pics link on the left side of this site or you could start your own site that doesn't scroll.

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Dear Amy,
You looked so hot when you were pregnant with your milk filled breasts and that sexy glow that pregnant girls have. God that was so hot. I think pregnant girls are hotter than skinny girls and if you want me to I could make you pregnant again and I'd have no problem sexing you up all the way up to when you are ready to deliver! If you want to hook up with me email me back because I have rock hard abs, I hit the gym like five times a week and I know how to make great babies.

The rock hard abs are tough to pass up

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I like this site but you should post pics of other hot women.

ummm...you did notice that the site is called The Temple of Amy Jo Johnson, didn't you?

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Stop posting $#it about Winnona Ryder or we will take you down!

It's Winona you dumb a$$.

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Jesus said not to worship celebrities so you all are going to burn in hell. I know who god is and trust me he aint the pink ranger! So when you all die in a fire or a car wreck don't ask why.

We promise not to ask any questions after we die.

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Why do you guys use stupid star wars names like Vader and Skywalker?

It's a nod to the mid to late nineties when everyone on the net had an alias or screen name. It's sort of the opposite of all this "targeted social media" crap people do on Facebook and Twitter. Oh and we also use them because they are absurd, just like most of this blog. So pick a stupid Star Wars name and join The Order!

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How come the pic at the top doesn't change anymore?

and

That picture of Amy on your site's banner is fake. I doubt Amy would approve of it.

The picture doesn't change anymore because...well...have you looked at it? It's AMAZING! Amy has her own site and she can decide what pictures go on that site. You may call our banner a fake but we call it ART. It's technically a photo manipulation and it's damn impressive in our opinion. So until we find something more impressive it's not going to change.

Cannibal tribe agrees not to eat Amy Jo Johnson

By Dick Spires in Sydney 2:59PM BST 16 April 2011

Tribe Members display their "No Eat Amy Jo Johnson" sign.

A tribe in Papua New Guinea has apologized for killing four Order of Meridian missionaries and has promised not to eat the Order’s deity, Amy Jo Johnson, if they ever meet her in person. However, the tribe has refused to apologize for the actual act of eating the missionaries. The four slain Meridian missionaries were part of a proselytizing mission on the island of New Britain where tribesmen massacred them in March. They were murdered on the orders of a local warrior chief, Tulolo, and were then cooked and eaten.

The missionaries were cooked and eaten.

The Meridians, a minister and three teachers, were under the leadership of the Reverend Jek Porkins, an adventurous missionary who was born in Hardup, Utah but has spent most of his adult life spreading the word of Amy Jo Johnson in the Asian South Seas.
Thousands of villagers attended a reconciliation ritual near Rabaul, the capital of East New Britain province, notorious for the ferocity of its cannibals.

"The tribe did not express regret for consuming human flesh"

The tribe’s leaders apologized for murdering the four missionaries but did not express regret for consuming their human flesh. Many island inhabitants were pleased that the cannibalistic tribe had taken some responsibility for the killings, "It's an important first step because it will be much more difficult to cook and eat someone if they are still alive," said Cinao Sartava, a local plumber. "We at this juncture are deeply touched by your public statement of regret and wish you the greatest joy of forgiveness as we finally end this record disagreement," said Rato Isia Ticonan, the island’s high commissioner.

 "It’s almost as if you can hear her screaming ‘eat me’."

One of many signs
found in the village.

Warrior chief Tulolo added, “Although Amy Jo Johnson looks positively scrumptious, our tribe promises not to eat her. Yes Amy Jo Johnson would no doubt be a delectable taste treat for us to feast upon but in the spirit of peace and cooperation we will spare Amy Jo Johnson as long as she shows us two forms of photo identification”. The tribe has posted easy to read signs in and around every hut in their village reminding tribe members not to eat Amy Jo Johnson if the opportunity arises. “It will be a tough mandate to comply with,” said a tribe member “if you look at Amy Jo Johnson photos it’s almost as if you can hear her screaming ‘eat me’ and that’s going to be tough to disregard”. Cannibalism is still widespread in many parts of the South Pacific. Fiji was in earlier times known as the Cannibal Isles and unreceptive islanders have killed dozens of missionaries.

"Their sacrifice paved the way for this truly historic don’t eat Amy Jo Johnson agreement."

Reverend Porkins immigrated to New Zealand as a young man and served as a missionary in Samoa before moving with his six wives and children to New Guinea.
He is familiar with the cannibalistic customs of the region and once described a visit to a village in which he counted 85 human jawbones dangling from the rafters of a hut.

Reverend Jek Porkins

"A human hand, smoke-dried and resembling a deformed slim jim, was hanging inside the same hut. And outside I counted 376 notches in a tree, each notch of which, the natives told us, represented a human body which had been cooked and eaten there," he told the Royal News Service.
Even so, he was shocked when told that four of his staff had been cannibalized. "They were killed simply because they were foreigners, and the natives who killed them did so for no other reason than their desire to eat them. Thankfully, their spirits can rest in peace knowing that their sacrifice paved the way for this truly historic don’t eat Amy Jo Johnson agreement," he said.

Amy Jo Johnson on Flashpoint

Amy Jo Johnson on Flashpoint. Click it!

Amy Jo Johnson’s birth certificate in question

Donald Trump: Amy Jo Johnson Birth Certificate Details Being Sought By Investigators In Massachusetts, Mongolia and Beijing

Donald Trump

WASHINGTON -- Real estate tycoon Donald Trump said Thursday he hopes questions surrounding Amy Jo Johnson’s age and birthplace would finally be addressed now that President Obama’s long form birth certificate has been released.

Trump said he didn't introduce the age or citizenship issue, but was asked about Amy Jo Johnson during an interview about a month ago. Since then, he said he's looked into it and believes "there is a big possibility" Johnson may be a clone who is younger than she claims, the daughter of a Mongolian yak herder or possibly an immortal deity who may be thousands of years old depending on which version of her birth you believe.

Amy Jo Johnson

"I want to see Amy Jo Johnson’s birth certificate," said Trump in an interview on BCNC's "Good Morning Today" show. "How come her own so called worshippers don't know which hospital she was born in? My people found the alleged hospital and let's just say there's no birth certificate to be found. How come in the hospital itself there's no record of her birth. In other words, it doesn't say which room she was born in or how much her parents paid or even who was the doctor for her birth.”

Officials in Massachusetts have certified that Ms. Johnson was born in that state. But Trump has demanded additional proof, asserting that an online religious group claims that she could have been born thousands of years ago in China and may have been cloned multiple times. "I'm not convinced that she has one," Trump said of the birth certificate issue. "Good Morning Today" show host Meredith Von Halen asked Trump, "You've been privy to all of this new information?" His response: "Well, I have people that have been studying her and they just cannot believe what they're finding. They have been collecting her trash and sorting through it and we even have people looking at cave drawings found in Khangai Nuruu National Park located in Mongolia."

Amy Jo plays guitar

The remarks from the potential presidential candidate prompted Von Halen to ask Trump if he also had people on the ground in Communist China searching for proof of Johnson’s birthplace. He signaled he did, saying, "And they have raised serious questions. And I'm serious about how serious these questions are turning out to be." When asked how genuine his search is, Trump said, "I always take things seriously, but I've never taken anything as seriously as this, like seriously serious. I wish I didn't have to do it," he said.

"She might be considered one of the greatest actresses in the world," Trump said, but he also said acting jobs are disappearing from the United States with many going to Canada and that Johnson has given aspiring actors from the United States "a terrible role model to follow." Trump said that if Johnson officially joins the 2012 Presidential election race, “She will witness the full power of my unstoppable PR machine." He accused Johnson of carrying out confusing policies, saying, "nobody even knows what's happening with her rock band."

Willie Hancock

"I'm only interested if she was over 18 during the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers series," Willie Hancock, a Trump supporter said. Hancock added "before the court revoked my visitation rights, my son Dick would bring Power Ranger VHS tapes over on the weekends. Watching Amy Jo in those episodes would, well, it would…let’s just say it would stir something primal in me and I’d end up putting little Dick to bed early so I could umm…watch the tapes privately." Hancock isn’t alone as a recent survey indicated that 96% of heterosexual males from the ages of 10 – 64 had watched Power Ranger tapes umm…privately. “Sometimes I’d feel like a weirdo but I felt my private viewings were socially acceptable knowing Amy Jo was an adult when the Power Rangers series was filmed. Now that her birth is in question I’m just filled with guilt and I get a sick feeling whenever I drive by my local high school,” said Hancock.

Trump added that he is not singling Amy Jo Johnson out because she represents a threat to his yet to be announced campaign and that sooner or later he would like to see every living American citizen’s birth certificate “just to be sure”.

Hair brained scheme foiled by stylist

Toronto police move in

Toronto’s Emergency Task Force has apprehended Louis Cypher, a 41-year-old Saskatoon resident and self-proclaimed "spiritual geneticist" who was holed up in a local Toronto motel Friday after an almost 4-hour standoff.

Brenda Connors

The task force received a tip from local hairstylist Brenda Connors after she received a series of what she described as “bizarre phone calls” from Cypher. “It started Thursday afternoon when a man claiming to work as a talent handler for a Canadian Television Network called my Salon. He asked if actress Amy Jo Johnson had come in for her hairstyle appointment. I checked the appointment schedule and told the man we had no such appointment on record but we could squeeze her in at 3:30pm. The caller told me he needed to check Amy Jo's network appointment book and said he would call back. The guy called me back later that day and asked me to check if Ms. Johnson had made any appointments for the entire month and I told him that we didn’t have any appointments listed. That evening I met my friend Karen, who is also a hairstylist for a different salon at Remington’s for a few drinks. I told Karen of the phone calls and Karen told me that she had also received a similar call from a man named Cypher,” said Connors.

“The salon logs all incoming calls and the next morning as a joke I called Cypher’s number and told him I had made an error because I had only checked hairstyle appointments. I told him I had completely overlooked Amy Jo’s Friday morning appointment for a Brazilian waxing,” added Connors. “I love that show Punked and thought tricking some pathetic, sicko, degenerate would be fun”.

Louis Cypher

That’s when Toronto police say things got really bizarre. According to police records, Cypher requested that the salon save any hair removed from Ms. Johnson, secure it in a plastic bag and hold it until the suspect retrieved it later that afternoon. “I told him we could just give the hair to Amy Jo because she had not yet left the salon but he insisted that we not mention it to Amy Jo because she was extremely eccentric and sometimes violently anti-social,” said Connors “twenty five minutes later Cypher was standing in my salon asking for Ms. Johnson’s hair. I didn’t know what to do because I honestly didn’t expect him to show up and I didn’t actually have any of Amy Jo’s hair to give him. I knew this was getting serious and I needed to give him something because he looked very scary. Like child molester, serial killer, I’ll eat your offspring kind of scary”.

Police records indicate that Ms. Connors told Cypher that she needed to retrieve the hair from the salon’s safe and she then preceded to the back office area where she quickly gave herself a Brazilian wax with the hopes of deceiving Cypher. “Thank god I’m a brunette because he was completely fooled. He took the bag of my hair and hurried off with it. That’s when I called the police,” reported Connors.

A phone

Captain Luis Tennant a spokesman for Toronto’s Emergency Task Force reported that authorities were able to track Cypher to a local Toronto motel using the suspect’s Apple iPhone, which has built in GPS tracking. “We surrounded the motel and were preparing to apprehend the suspect when a witness claimed to have seen bomb making materials being brought into the suspect’s room moments before we arrived.” Police then called the suspect and ordered him to exit the motel and surrender himself peacefully. After almost four hours of intense negotiations the suspect finally complied and surrendered without incident. “Negotiations like this can get a little weird. It usually starts with the suspect making ridiculous demands and then we falsely promise to comply with whatever they ask. Well this case was no different than most but the suspect’s demand for Amy Jo Johnson to agree to attend a Power Ranger convention was way over what we could possibly pretend to deliver. The suspect also demanded peace in the Middle East and a large order of cheese fries that we promised to arrange but we just couldn’t say that Ms. Johnson had agreed to do the Power Ranger convention with a straight face,” added Captain Tennant.

Inside the motel room

According to police records no bomb making materials were found in the suspect’s motel room but police were startled to find thousands of unfertilized human egg cells as well as an incubator, Petri dishes, microscopes, and tools capable of removing and implanting cellular organelles, such as the nucleus, from one cell to another. “It was basically everything the suspect needed to produce human clones and he freely admitted that was his goal,” said Captain Tennant. According to Cypher’s statement, the suspect’s “sacred holy mission” was to “create an unstoppable, gymnastically trained, military force consisting of over 46 million Amy Jo Johnson clones,” A military force that Cypher claimed was his "religious destiny to command".

Brenda Connors now wonders what would have happened if she hadn’t notified the police. “I just find myself wondering if I missed my chance to be like almost sort of immortal. I mean can you imagine Cypher’s surprise when he realized he had made 46 million Brenda the hairstylist clones? That would have been like the ultimate Punked moment”.

Fan fic writer passes

Andrea Janssen

Heist-op-den-Berg, Belgium

Andrea Janssen, a fan-fic writer steeped in Power Rangers history, who was best known as the author of the Power Rangers saga "Alpha’s Glory" and the western themed "High Noon at Angel Grove," died unexpectedly of heart failure April 3 at her Heist-op-den-Berg estate, said her aunt, Mathilde Janssen. She was 26.

Andrea was the sole heir to her father’s steel industry fortune and had been a self-described "Power Rangers freak" since childhood, when she received toy rangers for Christmas in 1997.

Her interest in the pink ranger was piqued when a friend observed that a photograph of Andrea on horseback closely resembled Amy Jo Johnson, the actress who played the pink ranger in the original Mighty Morphin Power Rangers television series.

Amy Jo Johnson

Her obsession with the pink ranger led Andrea to undergo at least 64 surgeries so she could more closely resemble the American born actress. The most controversial and grueling of these procedures was a limb reduction surgery in 2006. The objective of this procedure was to remove almost four centimeters of bone to achieve the exact same height as Johnson, the original pink ranger. The surgery left Andrea unable to walk for almost an entire year.

"I sometimes thought I'd never complete my transformation," Janssen told The Heist-op-den-Berg Times in 2007. “But I'd gotten really attached to the idea of actually becoming the Pink Power Ranger.... I'd end up in tears when I’d recover from another surgery and still not look exactly like Kimberly."

“Andrea would demand that I call her Kimberly at all times. She had built a 100% scale replica of Ernie’s Juice Bar on her estate and she hired me and a few dozen other local actors to pretend we were hanging out there,” said Angéline Smets. Andrea used to call me ‘girl working out in background’ and that basically was my job eight to ten hours a day as Andrea trained for some fictional gymnastics competition. If nothing else, my time spent at the juice bar really got me into shape physically,” added Smets.

"She was a bit eccentric but she was also a fabulous storyteller," her aunt said, "and knew the history of just about everything Power Rangers. I think everyone in Heist-op-den-Berg will fondly remember her as a real Power Ranger."

Besides her aunt, Janssen is survived by four cousins.

Kansas man is disappointed.

Johnson with unidentified child

SYLVAN GROVE, KS— Erik Schon felt a deep sense of disappointment Tuesday, when the 35-year-old sanitation engineer found several online photos of actress Amy Jo Johnson holding what appeared to be the Flashpoint star’s genuine offspring.

"If Amy Jo really wanted children why didn’t she just contact me?” asked Schon, regarding the photos of the actress and a child that is presumably her daughter at a Disney Store grand-opening ceremony in Canada. "After all I’ve personally sacrificed, just seeing those photos and feeling that I probably wasn’t even considered when Amy decided to reproduce, it’s just a huge blow to my already fragile ego.”

Erik’s wife Candi agrees, “Erik did the work. He learned all the lyrics to not only Amy Jo Johnson’s songs but also Cat Stevens’ entire music catalog. Neither Erik nor I like Cat Stevens but Erik put aside his own musical taste to prepare himself for being mated with Amy Jo because she openly enjoys Cat Stevens' music. Erik even spent almost a full month of vacation days learning to recite the film Perfect Body word for word and now it's all worthless junk cluttering up his tiny abandoned mind.”

Erik’s longtime friend Wayne Kerr added “Erik’s amazing collection of Amy Jo memorabilia should have put him at the top of the list of possible suitors. It really angers me that Erik spent years trolling Ebay buying all those Power Rangers lunch boxes and bed sheets for nothing, not even a rejection letter. What good have all those Amy Jo Johnson DVDs done him? I mean if you go on a job interview and you tell them you bought an entire season of E.R. just so you could have the one episode that Amy Jo Johnson guest stars in, well they probably wont think it’s that much of a big deal. Well it is a big deal if you know Erik and I honestly feel sorry for him."

Johnson in 2008

Erik was tipped off to the alleged reproduction when several photos of Amy Jo Johnson looking pregnant surfaced online in early 2008. “I guess I was in a state of denial, I thought maybe it was just a beer belly or perhaps she was just acting like she was going to procreate for a film role, I just didn’t know what was reality anymore. For a time I was convinced that I had stepped through a dimensional rift or something and this world was just an evil place where Amy Jo Johnson didn’t care about me or my feelings,” said Erik.

As word got around Sylvan Grove that Johnson’s progeny was not the result of a coupling with Erik Schon, residents also began to question the paternity of the Schon couple’s two children Adam and Rocky. According to Sylvan Grove’s Mayor, The Honorable Benjamin Dover, the Schon children bear no real resemblance to Erik and most of the town thinks Candi named Erik the father simply because Erik had a city job with a decent healthcare package.

Rocky and Adam Schon

“If you look at the Schon boys you can clearly see they have some African heritage, Candi is Norwegian and Erik is as white as Casper the Ghost, add to that the fact that Candi has an Obama sticker and oversized rims on her car, well people are going to talk,” added Mayor Dover. Local Starbucks employee Natasha Boris even claims to have seen Candi Schon watching Chris Rock comedy videos on YouTube during lunch breaks that Candi would take at the popular Wi-Fi capable coffee shop. “I even once saw her watching Chris Brown music videos” said Natasha.

Candi and Erik Schon in 2004

“You might think that people saying that Rocky and Adam are not my real children would bother me but it really doesn’t. I trust my wife and I’ve put Candi through hell during my intensive Amy Jo Johnson training routine. Candi has stuck by my side even when I’d bring a five-foot cardboard pink ranger cutout into bed at night. How many wives would put up with that? What bothers me is when I hear people call me the guy who couldn’t seal the deal with Amy Jo Johnson or when they point out that Amy’s suspected toddler looks nothing like me, that’s what burns me up inside, that’s the real dagger to my heart” added Erik.