Packers investigated for deity violation

GREEN BAY - The NFL is investigating the Green Bay Packers for possible improper use of a deity during the NFC championship game against the Chicago Bears. “The Bears are claiming that Amy Jo Johnson was placed by Green Bay near the five yard line to intimidate Chicago coaches and players on the field,” said a league insider.

"We're checking into it," said NFL spokesman Hugh Jorgan, who confirmed that the league is reviewing substantial evidence.

Kevin Greene and Amy Jo Johnson give advice to Clay Matthews

"The NFL monitors the sidelines with security people, checking credentials to make sure the appropriate people are on the sidelines," Jorgan said. "This particular incident, an official noticed Amy Jo Johnson who was not properly listed on Green Bay’s official game day roster. We triple checked her credentials and she did indeed have a Packers bench credential and at the time it appeared to be a simple case of mixed up paperwork. The Bear’s objection was that Ms. Johnson seemed to be floating about a foot or two off the ground and was casting an angry glare towards several Chicago players and coaches. We asked Amy Jo to stop floating and proceed to the Green Bay bench area." Jorgan said NFL security did not try to eject Johnson, and that the incident was the result of routine procedure, not a tip from The Bears.

"It was strictly by checking credentials and seeing a woman in police swat gear floating, away from the bench area," he said. An official with the Packers stated that “strong winds at game time might have nudged the floating Johnson out of the bench area but it was never the intent of the Packers organization to gain a competitive edge by placing a deity in an inappropriate location”.

But Bears vice president Cam Payne told T.O.O.M. that Chicago had been tipped off.
"We had gotten word before the game that they had a floating deity, so we were expecting it," Payne said.

Green Bay and Tampa Bay give thanks to Amy Jo Johnson

“Amy Jo Johnson has been assisting Dom Capers, the club’s defensive coordinator all season long, everyone knows that Amy Jo is the undisputed master of the three-four defense. If Chicago had done their homework they would have known this. To file a complaint simply because Amy Jo Johnson occasionally levitates is ridiculous and in my opinion, poor sportsmanship by the entire Bears organization,” said a Packers fan who added, “The Bears know we are trying to focus on winning the championship by beating Pittsburg and they are causing a distraction purely out of spite. You didn’t hear New England complain when the Jets had Winona Ryder calling plays during their playoff game, they just shut up and took the loss like men. ”

According to Jorgan “The worst case for Green Bay is they will be fined for illegal deity placement, not for simply having a deity on their sideline, but where along the sideline their deity was seen floating or levitating. We allow every team to worship whoever or whatever they choose to worship and if the league could get thirty-two deities to sign contracts, we would have a levitating deity on every team next season.”