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The Amy Jo Johnson Celebrity Sex Tape

Skywalker recently sat down with several members of The Order of Meridian to talk about the Amy Jo Johnson Celebrity Sex video. The following is a transcript of the conversation.

The round-table participants:

Skywalker: Sovereign Head of The Temple of Amy Jo Johnson and avid collector of toenail clippings.

Chastity Ronson from The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Farmville players association.

Lord Baron, Director of the leather, BDSM, and polyamory Ubuntu users community.

Elias Redstone, Publisher of Spandex Rangers Forever Online blog.

Skywalker: So, what are your thoughts on the inevitable release of The Amy Jo Johnson sex video?

Lord Baron: Well since the video release is inevitable, I asked friends and colleagues what celebrity sex videos come up in everyday life, videos that they felt have stuck around culturally or that they felt everyone should view in order to get through the average day. Videos they talk about at work, that sort of thing.

Chastity Ronson: You mean like, for the water cooler? When you hang around the water cooler and discuss celebrity sex videos?

Lord Baron: Well yes and no. Where I work we don’t really have a water cooler.

Elias Redstone: I do that all the time.

Chastity Ronson: Do what?

Elias Redstone: Talk about sex videos at work.

Chastity Ronson: I thought you worked from home?

Lord Baron: Actually, It’s his parents’ home.

Elias Redstone: That is true but my parents are pretty hip and we often discuss celebrity sex videos.

Chastity Ronson: So you run a Power Rangers blog from your parents’ basement, then at dinnertime you sit around with your mom and dad and discuss celebrity sex videos?

Lord Baron: I think you are being a bit judgmental Chastity.

Elias Redstone: I’m starting to feel uncomfortable with the direction this conversation is heading.

Skywalker: Okay, let’s talk less about Elias and more about sex videos. We have all seen the videos by Paris Hilton and Pamela Anderson but others like Dustin Diamond who played Screech on Saved by the Bell and even former vice presidential candidate John Edwards have all made celebrity sex tapes.

Chastity Ronson: I think it's safe to say that's a good cross-section of what one would need to be conversant with to call themselves "Celebrity Sex Tape literate."

Elias Redstone: I saw a famous rapper pee on a girl in a sex video.

Lord Baron: Peeing on someone is not sex Elias.

Chastity Ronson: Where did you find these two?

Skywalker: Chastity, what are your own thoughts about those celebrity sex videos? Were there any surprises? Something you thought was going to be in the video but wasn’t?

Chastity Ronson: Lesbians. More directly put, the lack of real lesbians in celebrity sex videos.

Elias Redstone: Dustin Diamond had two girls in his video.

Lord Baron: As did Rob Lowe and if memory serves so did Tom Sizemore’s video.

Skywalker: I don’t think the women in Lowe’s video…

Chastity Ronson: Those are not examples of real lesbians! Two intoxicated women pleasuring some filthy washed up actor, degrading themselves in front of millions of men, is that what lesbian sex means to you?

Elias Redstone: Yes?

Lord Baron: Here we go

Chastity Ronson: Men like you Elias make me sick. We lesbians are not having sex recorded on video so you can spank one off. We are not your virtual playmates nor are we simply objects for your twisted disgusting male fantasies. We are real flesh and blood people just like your sisters and mothers!

Elias Redstone: If my mother was a lesbian I wouldn’t have been born.

Chastity Ronson: That would be a good thing.

Skywalker: Right…We are so used to terrible portrayals of women in celebrity sex videos that I think many viewers get desensitized to it. But I think we are getting a bit off track, we are supposed to be talking about Amy Jo Johnson’s sex tape and not Elias’ mom.

Elias Redstone: Well the good news for Chastity is that Amy Jo did say in an interview with Steppin’ Out Magazine that although she never had a female lover, she wouldn't rule it out of the picture.

Lord Baron: I‘ve read that interview and was pleasantly surprised by Amy Jo’s response.

Chastity Ronson: I’ve also read the interview and was disturbed by it. The male interviewer, ChauncĂ© Hayden, followed that answer up by asking Amy Jo if she would do a threesome with Angelina Jolie and her then husband Billy Bob Thornton. It’s another example of how a thoughtless male pig defines lesbianism. So as a woman who likes women you absolutely must be into group sex with filthy old men?

Elias Redstone: I hope that once the tape is released Amy Jo has a lesbian scene with the second yellow ranger.

Lord Baron: You mean Karan Ashley who played the second yellow ranger?

Chastity Ronson: Elias, wouldn’t that satisfy several of your twisted male fantasies? Amy Jo having sex with a beautiful black woman for your viewing pleasure? Maybe if you are lucky they could do it on a bus, the back of the bus! You racist, womanizing pig!

Elias Redstone: I just thought it would be hot to see two former rangers having sex. Maybe they could wear their costumes.

Skywalker: Well I have to agree with Elias on that point but the helmets would have to go.

Lord Baron: Amy and Karan became close friends in Australia during the filming of Power Rangers the Movie so it’s possible they have since become lesbian lovers.

Chastity Ronson: Do you have same sex relations with all your male friends Lord Baron?

Lord Baron: Well not all of them.

Chastity Ronson: But you just assume that because Amy Jo is female and has befriended Karan they must be scissor sisters right? Two beautiful women can’t possibly just be platonic friends; they simply must be banging each other!

Lord Baron: That’s not what I mean! You brought up the lack of lesbians in celebrity sex videos. I’m just speaking on what I thought would be the best-case scenario. I’d also be happy to see Amy Jo having lesbian sex with an unknown plain jane female partner.

Chastity Ronson: So I’m guessing you would like Amy Jo’s partner to be a neutral-looking women of no apparent sexual orientation in a role of female servitude in which she should be neither seen nor heard?

Skywalker: How can anyone “be neither seen nor heard” in a celebrity sex video?

Elias Redstone: Excellent question!

Chastity Ronson: Elias, how about I cut off your nads and feed them to you? Is that an excellent question too?

Lord Baron: Cutting off “nads” as Chastity so eloquently put it, is a fairly good segue into what I find lacking in celebrity sex videos, BDSM. There are simply no good celebrity BDSM videos on the market.

Skywalker: I can’t think of one.

Lord Baron: My point exactly. There are none and I think it’s time we had one.

Chastity Ronson: I’m not at all surprised that you want a bondage video. I’m guessing you would like to see Amy Jo bound, violated and mistreated by a big hairy male.

Elias Redstone: I hope its Tommy the green ranger in the bondage video.

Skywalker: Elias, you do realize that Tommy the green ranger isn’t a real person right?

Lord Baron: I don’t care if it’s a big hairy male, Tommy the green ranger or Oprah Winfrey as long as we get some sort of BDSM play. Honestly I’d prefer to see Amy Jo as the top, I’d like to see Amy Jo dominate someone, anyone. I’d love to see some breath play, cuckolding, forced orgasms, forced feminization and even some good ole fashion spanking just to kick things off.

Elias Redstone: Well in that case I hope its Billy the blue ranger. Amy Jo could use some electro torture techniques and make him worship her black thigh high vinyl boots!

Chastity Ronson: I think the two of you are sick.

Skywalker: Add me in there with the sickos! That sounds really hot.

Chastity Ronson: We all know you are a sick pervert Skywalker and that goes without saying. I'll even go on record here and admit that when I was a young girl, I'd often dress up like the Pink Power Ranger and kick the crap out of many of the boys in my neighborhood. Nevertheless, my problem is that Elias picks the one ranger played by an actor who has recently come out and admitted that he is gay. Now Elias wants to see him punished and tortured because he chose to stop lying to himself and his fans.

Elias Redstone: That is so not true! In my opinion Billy didn’t need to come out because we all new he was gay long before he admitted it. I’d be more than happy to watch Amy Jo torture Zach the black ranger, Bulk or even Skull.

Skywalker: Well my vote goes to Jason Narvy, the actor who played Skull.

Elias Redstone: No matter who Amy Jo Johnson dominates in her celebrity sex video, I think we can all agree that there needs to be some decent production value. Most celebrity sex videos are just so lacking in quality that it makes them hard to watch.

Chastity Ronson: Well for the first time ever, I agree with Elias. You would think these celebrities would know how to put a decent sex video together. They work in television and film all week then they produce shockingly bad quality sex videos.

Skywalker: I find it rather surprising that not only is the quality of the sex video bad but the quality of the sex in the video is bad too. Maybe I’m just giving these celebrities too much credit, but I sort of expect them to have wonderful, intense sex and not the boring sex that we’ve seen time and time again in these videos.

Lord Baron: I agree 100%. After watching Paris Hilton’s sex video I was stunned at how awful this so-called Hollywood bad girl was at having sex. Sadly, I was more sexually creative than Paris back when I was in high school.

Skywalker: So when should we expect the Amy Jo Johnson sex tape to be released?

Elias Redstone: Well it could show up at anytime. Amy Jo could send her personal computer in for repair and the video might get stolen and released at that point.

Chastity Ronson: Amy Jo did have a laptop stolen while she was doing a play in New York several years ago. The sex video could still be on that laptop just waiting to be found.

Skywalker: There must be at least two or three sex videos on that computer. I'm not even attractive and I have a half dozen homemade sex videos on my laptop.

Elias Redstone: Amy Jo also lived with a crew person from Power Rangers at one point back in the nineties and if all goes well he might have a few dozen tapes that he discards after his VCR breaks. A Kimberly era sex tape would make my year.

Lord Baron: I’d prefer a more mature Amy Jo sex tape. Something shot recently on an HD camcorder in Canada. Some nice outdoor sex with bondage and snow capped mountains in the background.

Skywalker: Well I guess I’d like to see a through the years compellation starting in the nineties and highlighting Amy Jo’s very best sexual encounters up to present day. We will just have to wait and see. No matter who is with Amy Jo or when the tape was made I’m quite sure Amy Jo’s sex tape will be amazing. I’d like to thank you all for participating in this round table discussion and I’d love to have more of these discussions in the future.

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