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Cannibal tribe agrees not to eat Amy Jo Johnson

By Dick Spires in Sydney 2:59PM BST 16 April 2011

Tribe Members display their "No Eat Amy Jo Johnson" sign.
A tribe in Papua New Guinea has apologized for killing four Order of Meridian missionaries and has promised not to eat the Order’s deity, Amy Jo Johnson, if they ever meet her in person. However, the tribe has refused to apologize for the actual act of eating the missionaries. The four slain Meridian missionaries were part of a proselytizing mission on the island of New Britain where tribesmen massacred them in March. They were murdered on the orders of a local warrior chief, Tulolo, and were then cooked and eaten.

The missionaries were cooked and eaten.

The Meridians, a minister and three teachers, were under the leadership of the Reverend Jek Porkins, an adventurous missionary who was born in Hardup, Utah but has spent most of his adult life spreading the word of Amy Jo Johnson in the Asian South Seas.
Thousands of villagers attended a reconciliation ritual near Rabaul, the capital of East New Britain province, notorious for the ferocity of its cannibals.

"The tribe did not express regret for consuming human flesh"

The tribe’s leaders apologized for murdering the four missionaries but did not express regret for consuming their human flesh. Many island inhabitants were pleased that the cannibalistic tribe had taken some responsibility for the killings, "It's an important first step because it will be much more difficult to cook and eat someone if they are still alive," said Cinao Sartava, a local plumber. "We at this juncture are deeply touched by your public statement of regret and wish you the greatest joy of forgiveness as we finally end this record disagreement," said Rato Isia Ticonan, the island’s high commissioner.

 "It’s almost as if you can hear her screaming ‘eat me’."

One of many signs
found in the village.
Warrior chief Tulolo added, “Although Amy Jo Johnson looks positively scrumptious, our tribe promises not to eat her. Yes Amy Jo Johnson would no doubt be a delectable taste treat for us to feast upon but in the spirit of peace and cooperation we will spare Amy Jo Johnson as long as she shows us two forms of photo identification”. The tribe has posted easy to read signs in and around every hut in their village reminding tribe members not to eat Amy Jo Johnson if the opportunity arises. “It will be a tough mandate to comply with,” said a tribe member “if you look at Amy Jo Johnson photos it’s almost as if you can hear her screaming ‘eat me’ and that’s going to be tough to disregard”. Cannibalism is still widespread in many parts of the South Pacific. Fiji was in earlier times known as the Cannibal Isles and unreceptive islanders have killed dozens of missionaries.

"Their sacrifice paved the way for this truly historic don’t eat Amy Jo Johnson agreement."

Reverend Porkins immigrated to New Zealand as a young man and served as a missionary in Samoa before moving with his six wives and children to New Guinea.
He is familiar with the cannibalistic customs of the region and once described a visit to a village in which he counted 85 human jawbones dangling from the rafters of a hut.
Reverend Jek Porkins
"A human hand, smoke-dried and resembling a deformed slim jim, was hanging inside the same hut. And outside I counted 376 notches in a tree, each notch of which, the natives told us, represented a human body which had been cooked and eaten there," he told the Royal News Service.
Even so, he was shocked when told that four of his staff had been cannibalized. "They were killed simply because they were foreigners, and the natives who killed them did so for no other reason than their desire to eat them. Thankfully, their spirits can rest in peace knowing that their sacrifice paved the way for this truly historic don’t eat Amy Jo Johnson agreement," he said.

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